Check out the full piece at SOS: Satire or Something.

For the last month, I’ve chased the sugar-free rush of Zero Sugar Oreos, determined to prove they’re garbage.

I’ve scoured supermarkets and drugstores. Raided gas stations, 7-Elevens, and office pantries.

But in calorie-fearing Los Angeles, where “zero sugar” means “laced with gold,” the shelves are picked clean.

Dammit.

Online offerings are similarly slim—but there’s a mom-and-pop pharmacy in Connecticut accepting special orders. 8–11 business days later, my prescribed confections arrive. ➡️

🔗 Keep reading on SOS: Satire or Something.