Check out the full piece at SOS: Satire or Something.

“Trump administration mulls payments to sway Greenlanders to join US.” — Reuters.

Trainers of Kanto, members of the press, and Jigglypuff holding a microphone:

For too long, we’ve watched our provincial neighbor, Johto, languish under outdated governance while sitting on strategically vital territory. Meanwhile, your home, Kanto — the original region — stands Frozen without an Ice Heal as our tactical position erodes.

The time has come for the peaceful, permanent, and immediate integration of Johto into the United Territories of Kanto. ➡️

🔗 Keep reading on SOS: Satire or Something.